My counsellor came round today and I have to say I was really pleased to see her. I can’t say I am feeling that much better about things but I did get a lot off of my chest and I have realised I need to make some changes. I also know I need some time away so I am going to arrange a couple of days away to see some friends in the very near future who knows maybe a little time away will make things a little better.
I have to see my consultant next week as he wants to discuss my treatment options face to face rather than on the phone …….. deep joy ! I think some of it is because he knows how depressed I have been over the last couple of months and that I feel like I cannot see the end in sight and because I feel like screaming ENOUGH ! Which is all apparently quite common according to my counsellor.
I know all the treatment is designed to keep me alive and me me well but some of the effects of it all are going to be with me for life like the joint pain and the skin scarring from the reaction to the initial hormone treatment for the breast cancer . Scarring is nothing new and I can cope with that but the joint pain is something else, my joints fairly screech with agony and knowing I am going to have that for ever is a little disheartening. The body numbing tiredness may go away but I am not counting on it I figure if I always think the worst I will not be disappointed and most of the time that mindset works but lately I am struggling which is why I am not posting as much as I used to. I don’t like writing all doomy, gloomy woe is me posts so I am sure no one wants to keep reading posts like that.
Anyway enough morose-ness for now the sun is shining and my pooped on bed linen is blowing on the lone all clean and fresh which is a good reason in itself to feel a little brighter and Dr Who is on tomorrow. He wears a Stetson now and Stetsons are cool ! ! ! !