Friday, 8 October 2010

It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

If I said I had struggled this week that would be putting it mildly, they have used a different jollop this time and boy have I known about it. The vomit monster was back in a big way but you do get used to that but for the first time since he has known me my OH saw me cry because I didn’t feel well. Now don’t go feeling sorry for me because that is the last thing I want. Lional The Loathsome Lurgyfied Lump is still going away he is just being a bit stubborn about leaving completely obviously my insides are decorated very nicely and he likes the accommodation a bit too much to move out. Well he is in for a shock as I have now served him an eviction notice !

All my life I have been a bit of a wuss when it comes to illness you know ‘ohhh I have a splinter in my pinky I must lay down’ kind of thing but not with this. I have tried to deal with it myself and not let anyone in as I have hated to see the pain and worry in my families eyes when they look at me and pity in other peoples eyes when they hear the the dreaded ‘C’ word. Why is it when people ask whats wrong with you and you say cancer do they then say ‘I’m sorry’ they have no reason to be sorry they didn’t give it to me or to anyone else it is just one of those things……. I don’t know if the powers that be chuck stuff at us that they know we can deal with or if they chuck it at us to make us stronger the reasons don’t really matter in the end because with this illness you fight or you give up they are the only options in my eyes anyway. I refuse to give up, I am not a quitter and I will beat this. This illness has cost me dearly I will admit but it has also given me things too which may sound odd really. It has made me so much stronger, I now no longer let the little everyday things bother me, I appreciate so much more in life now and no longer take things for granted. Every day I am on this planet now is a gift no matter if it is one day, one month, one year or twenty years they are all precious to me and as soon as I am up to it I am going to make each and every one of them count for something.I am thinking about training as a cancer counsellor when I get the all clear, my counsellor thinks I may be good at it, it would be nice to help others the way she has helped/helps me but at the moment it is just one of the ideas swimming around in my noggin so we will have to wait and see I guess.

One thing I am positive about is I need and want another dog in my life, Richie needs a canine companion and I need another little girl to love. I know Molly would approve and she would be peeved at me if I didn’t open my heart to another Yorkie girl so we are waiting and watching for her on the horizon and hopefully she won’t be too long in coming. It won’t stop me missing my angel or stop me loving her still or replace her in any way, shape or form because no other dog ever could but I do miss another girl in the home. But I am without a doubt and most definitely a

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With Much Love

Mollys Momma Tea

4 comments:

  1. I think you'd be a good counsellor too. You've been dealing with cancer so you know what you're talking about.

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  2. We know you will beat it!!!! Keep fighting!!! And I would be tickled pink if you had another yorkie girl for me to flirt with!!!

    Your pal, Pip

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  3. As you know i have recently got over the dreaded C myself, and it is true what they say, it makes you appreciate things so much more, and you become stronger than you ever imagined that you could be.

    I do hope that things settle for you and the lurgy goes away, as i know it has been ages now and you want your life back.

    Just keep strong and remember you deserve to get better the same as i did and everyone else who survives this

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