As parent we often feel helpless when our children are sick or hurt but for me right now it is feels worse, because my son lives with my parents I often feel not only helpless but I also feel not fully part of his life any more. I saw him yesterday, meeting him from his school trip and I spent some time with him at my folks house, but then I had to come home leaving him behind which always tears my heart apart. I hate him not living here with me as he should but equally I know while I am sick that it is the best thing for him. But this morning when I rang to find out how he was ( with regards to his neck injury ) only to be told he was at the hospital because he is now feeling very dizzy, sick and disorientated and at one point late last night he tried to turn over in bed and he could not move and had pains shooting down his shoulder blade. So I am beside myself with worry now and a bit peeved that I was not contacted so I could go with him, I know my folks will do everything that is needed and more besides but well as a Mom I just want to be there for him. I realise I am a little over sensitive and over emotional at the moment and that I am so tired of battling for a normal life again but I miss him here so much. I miss him thumping around over head making my lampshade in the lounge rattle, I miss his dreadful singing ( he can sing quite well when he wants to he just chooses not to most of the time ) and I miss him arguing with me and his silly jokes that I never really understand but the thing I miss most of all is going into his room before I go to bed and watching him sleep. I have always gone in to watch him for five minutes or so every night since I bought him home from the hospital. I could not believe he was actually mine, that finally I had been blessed with a child, that after 10 pregnancies my dream had come true.
He can be the most annoying, aggravating, irritating, loud, quarrelsome, messy bundle of boyish-ness you could ever imagine but he is also the most loving, funny, sensitive, caring, adorable, wonderful, smart and fantastic ray of sunshine ever imaginable.
But most of all he is my Darling, Dearly loved, Adored and Awesome Son & I Love Him more than anything else in the world.
x x x