Wednesday, 22 February 2012

I have not

been in a very good place since Christmas really and recent events have not helped me much if I am honest. My son now has a date for his surgery and it is not until the end of March which leads me to believe that they are now not too worried about what the lump could be. I am only surmising this as I was not privy to either of his consultations. It was made quite clear to me that my attendance was not wanted or needed even though I expressed my wishes that I wanted to be there.

I have also been extremely hurt by someone who I really and truly believed was a very good friend and always would be. I felt we understood each other as we seemed to have shared similar experiences and problems as we had been through our lives. Someone who I am going to miss a great deal but some who has felt the need to stop being my friend for reasons I do not not know.

I spent most of the weekend in tears and then following being told on Monday that I was not wanted at my sons consultation today I spent most of Monday night in tears as well.

I went to the see my GP yesterday because I could feel myself spiralling & sinking into a quagmire of depression not helped by the constant joint pains I have and thankfully this GP really listened. He is making me an appointment to see a rheumatologist as the blood tests that the GP receptionist told me were normal were not they showed that there is inflammation so the problem could very likely be RA. So I came away with pain pills and I am back on anti depressants again, I do not see the fact that I am on anti d’s again a failure because I recognised the fact I was spiralling down again. The GP also actually read my notes and said you have been complaining of these pains for over 2 years to which I replied yes I know I have ! He also examined me !!! I know I was stunned and he did acknowledge there is swelling in some of my joints especially my hands at the moment. ( Typing is causing a fair bit pain hence the lack of blog-age on mine and dogs part ).

Anyway the upshot of all of this is that I should start finding myself in a better place soon which will be lovely. I have to say though my three babies have been most wonderful, loving n snuggly so while I may not feel much like a Mom to my son anymore I still most definitely am a Mom to my 3 four legged babes.

 

So right now the motto of the moment is……………………………………..

 

Onwards and Upwards

 

Love

Momma Tea

6 comments:

  1. Momma T, I ache furs you my dear! I mean my heart literally aches furs you.
    I can't imagine what you is possibly goin' through. I knows your heart is shattered abouts your son and your lost furiendship...crap, I just can't even gets da right words out!
    You tooks da right step goin' back on your antidepressors...you could nevers be a failure fur doin dat. If it's broken, fix it and you did. My mum has been on them since her was 16 and her has no plans of goin off of them.
    My mum's furiend also has RA and her huuuuuurts alot.

    I am sending you my bestest hugs and love and support to you right nows. We loves you very much and we is heres fur you.

    Puddles
    PS: never furgets you are and will always be a mom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OH Tea... THIS is just heartbreaking news. I am so sorry that your son does not feel that he needs you at the moment. That HURTS. I KNOW IT DOES!! I suspect it is just a phase that he is going through and that he will mature out of.
    It always Stings to lose a friend. I am so sorry about that.
    None of these things are HELPED by the fact that this is WINTER and we all get the blues when we can not get out in the sunshine (even if we HAD sun at this time of year).
    HOWEVER, I am very glad that your doctor seems to be on the right track for you Finally.
    You know that WE are here for you and Pray that you are soon feeling better in EVERY possible way.
    Hugs from my Hill, dear friend. MANY warm and caring HUGS.
    Lana

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. Let's hope your recent doctor's visit means that you have turned a corner. You are quite right....onward and upward...with support from your very many friends (and the fur babies too of course).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gosh, I don't know what I can say that hasn't been said already. My heart breaks for you ...I suspect Lana is right about your son going through a phase, but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.

    I am glad you found a doctor that listened to you and addressed your concerns. There is NEVER any shame in taking care of yourself. Depression is an illness just like anything else and requires treatment. We have lots of clinical depression in our family so I do understand how painful and isolating it can be ...

    We are sending you all kinds of love and light!

    Kristin & Pip

    ReplyDelete
  5. We are sorry about the rough patch you are going through right know. I have a son and I would be hurt the same way if he did that to me. They just can't seem to understand that know matter how old they get they are still our babies no matter what. So sorry about your friend not wanting your friendship anymore. It makes it tough when we are not sure what we have done to place us in these situations. Remember your blog friends are here for you. Hold your head up high and hang tough. Sniffs, The HoundDogs and Sherri

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poor Tea......I'm sorry to hear you have so much on your plate right now. Wish we could magically wisk you off here to TEXAS....to visit your friends/family......and share a chops and hug with you, too. Lucy could even provide us with some Avon aromatherapy products for relaxation!

    Lotsa hugs
    Cheryl

    ReplyDelete